What actors would you cast for Why My Love Life Sucks?

Some people have fantasy football teams. Others like to imagine a dream cast for the movie or TV versions of their favorite novels. Someone asks me for my dream cast for Why My Love Life Sucks (The Legend of Gilbert the Fixer, book one), so here it is: .

Jared Gilman as Gilbert Garfinkle

The star of Moonrise Kingdom has the geeky good looks, the right voice (he’s not from New York City, but South Orange is pretty close), and is almost the right age. I can picture him spouting Gilbert’s sarcastic lines, but is he capable of being super intense, like Gilbert? So far, all his roles seem to have had him acting chill. And at 14, I think he might already be too tall. But when I saw him again in a recent commercial for Verizon, I knew he has the look I want for Gilbert. He just needs his hair curled.

Dakota Fanning as Amber

I've long loved Dakota Fanning’s acting, particularly in Charlotte’s Web and Dreamer, although she might already be too old to play the 17-year-old who will forever look like she’s 15. Or maybe not? Of course, she'd have to change her hair color and put on some weight for the role of the voluptuous Amber. It would be nice to see her in a role that lets her smile a lot, because I've seen her on late-night talk shows, and she has a beautiful smile. And she does deserve a chance to play a vampire in a series that doesn't, you know, suck.  

Anneliese van der Pol as Delilah Jones

I don’t know what it is about her, but I have the feeling that Anneliese van der Pol from Vampires Sucks and That’s So Raven could play the beautiful, bullying queen bee who will use every trick in the book to get exactly what she wants. It’s a fun and crazy role, and I think she would have a great time with it.

Ryan Lee as Dylan Barry

Ryan Lee, from Super 8, has almost exactly the right look and mannerisms I wanted for Dylan, and he’s also the right age. The one problem is that Dylan--Gilbert’s best friend--is meant to be much, much taller than Gilbert, and Ryan Lee isn't exactly tall. Not a good match for the guy who calls Gilbert “Little Dude.” Aside from that, he would be the perfect choice.

Victor Garber as Ian MacIntyre

Gilbert’s Uncle Ian is a tall, suave, sophisticated, silver-haired lawyer with incredible charm, who has always been kind to Gilbert but not so kind to those who cross him. Unlike Gilbert and Amber, I’ve only ever pictured Uncle Ian as being played by one actor. Victor Garber is exactly how I picture him, and he’s a great actor who brings so much to any role he plays.

Yvonne Strahovski as Candy Garfinkle

I loved her as Sarah Walker, the gorgeous secret agent who falls for a super geek,  in the TV series Chuck, one of the most geeking awesome action-comedy shows ever! Candy Garfinkle is pretty much the opposite of Sarah Walker, but I still think that Strahovski has the talent--and beauty--to play Gilbert’s self-absorbed, gold-digging mother without making it campy.  

Nikki SooHoo as Jenny Chen

At 24, she’s much older than Jenny, but she has exactly the look I've always pictured for the love of Gilbert’s life. Nikki SooHoo has had many small roles on TV and in the movies, including playing the main character's best friend in heaven in The Lovely Bones. She also has a gymnastics background, which could come in useful considering that Gilbert and Jenny bond over rock-climbing, aikido, and ballroom dancing.

Seth Rogen as Dungeon Master Dave

The truth? I've always pictured Kevin Smith as Dungeon Master Dave, but Dave is supposed to be about 25, and Smith is too old to play him. Seth Rogen, though, would be a perfect second choice. Yes, he’s still a little older than Dave, but Rogen captures the geeky vibe of incredible humor, intelligence and calm that is Dave.

Top 10 Reasons Why Gilbert Garfinkle's Love Life Sucks

Here's one of several requested guest posts I wrote specifically for a recent blog tour that, due to technical problems, were never posted. I'll post the others over the coming days.

Top 10 Reasons Why Gilbert Garfinkle's Love Life Sucks

SPOILER ALERT: Why does Gilbert Garfinkle's love life suck? Why My Love Life Sucks (The Legend of Gilbert the Fixer, book one) slowly reveals the answer to that question, so if you'd rather not read any spoilers before reading the book, stop here. Otherwise...

1. The beautiful, mysterious, and seemingly sweet Amber is the first girl he's ever kissed. She's also a vampire who bites him, sucks his blood, leaves him paralyzed and in pain, and later tells him she did it because she wants him to be her platonic BFF--literally forever. She likes him a lot, just not “that way.” Isn't that reason enough?

2. He's had a crush on the absolutely amazing Jenny Chen since the day she let him fix her camera when they were both six, but he’s too afraid to tell her. What if it ruins their friendship, and she never wants to see him again? It would be a pain worse than death.

3. His mother constantly reminds him that the only reason a pretty girl would want to be with someone like him is for money. That's the only reason why she married his brilliant father, and although Gilbert badly wants to be like his father, he's also afraid of falling into a golddigger’s trap.

4. His mother is beautiful, and she loathes him. That makes beautiful girls in general terrifying.  

5. Gilbert needs everything to make sense. Love. Doesn't. Make. Sense.

6. Delilah Jones, the former school bully turned domineering school queen bee, insists he take her out in an expensive car to an expensive restaurant. Considering she only dates guys who can help her move up the social ladder at school and geeks like him are at the bottom of that social ladder, that doesn't make sense.

7. Gilbert has a compulsive need to take apart, figure out, and fix things. He can't do that with a girl. Case in point: Amber. If she's not at all attracted to him like she says, why does she want to spend eternity with him and not her boyfriend?

8. When he’s in the presence of a girl he’s attracted to, he doesn’t think. That’s never a good idea.

9. After Amber bites Gilbert, girls are suddenly attracted to his vampire charm. That terrifies him, which brings out a “bite or flight” response--and he doesn’t want to bite anyone. Ever.

10. He was starting to fall for Amber before she bit him, and his eidetic memory means he'll never forget the pain and terror he felt when she did. How will he ever get past this connection his brain has made between opening his heart and the greatest pain he’s ever known?

~*~*~

Also, it's love. It sucks. The trick is to forget that and fall in love anyway. And maybe, if you're really lucky, for at least a few glimmering moments, life in general won't suck so much.