Writing Words for Nerds #AtoZChallenge--U is for Unique

“My book is fantastic!” he said. “And it’s unique! There’s no way anyone has ever written anything like it.”

I rolled my eyes, which was okay, because no one can hear you roll your eyes over the telephone. I think.

This was a friend of my husband, and he needed to talk to me because he had just written a children’s book, and he wanted someone to publish it.

Unlike me, he didn’t have a literature degree and he wasn’t published even once in some local magazine, forget about having years of experience as a newspaper and magazine writer and illustrator. He was just a dad who had made up a story that entertained his kid. But in his heart he knew it was the best thing since The Cat in the Hat, only better.

Too bad he wasn’t a celebrity. Then maybe his story would have had a shot.

“Are you sure?” I asked. “How many picture books have you read?”

“I don’t need to read any picture books,” he said. “I just need to you to tell me how you get a publisher.”

“It doesn’t work like that.” I sighed. “You have to read children’s books to make sure it hasn’t been done before.”

“I know it hasn’t, because it’s unique.” There he went again.

I wasn’t about to ask him what made it unique. The way he skirted the subject, I could tell he was afraid that I was going to steal his fantastic and unique idea.

Yeah, it doesn’t work like that, either. Real writers like me have more ideas than we know what to do with. We don’t go around stealing them.

Eventually, I gave up and told him to buy a copy of the latest Children’s Writer’s & Illustrator’s Market guide. I felt bad about helping someone add to the world’s slush piles. Stuff like that gives the rest of us a bad name. It makes publishers close their doors to submissions, which makes everything harder for those of us who know what we’re doing. Sometimes we even give up on the submission process, which means the slush piles get worse and worse, and the door openings get narrower and narrower.  

But there wasn’t anything else I could do. In his eyes, his story was amazing. He said so, so it had to be true! Why couldn’t I just take his word for it? And why was I standing in the way of his obviously brilliant idea? So I didn’t. I gave in. I wasn’t about to destroy his day-old dream of publishing a picture book and becoming richer than J.K. Rowling all because of his brilliant and unique idea that took him all of five minutes to come up with. I left that up to the publishers.

So I how do I know his story wasn’t all that he thought it was?

Because he made it clear that he didn’t read children’s books.

That means his story had either been written a hundred times before, or it actually WAS unique—but only because there was something so horrible wrong with it that no decent editor would allow it to be published. 

This isn’t to say that it’s impossible to write something unique and worthy of publication. It certainly IS possible, and it’s something every writer should aim for.

But the way to get there isn’t by refusing to read the books that already exist in your intended genre.

No, the way to get there is by reading and reading and reading some more in your chosen genre. It’s by analyzing those books to figure out what works and what doesn’t and why. It’s by reading nonfiction books that show you how to analyze and understand your chosen genre. It’s by reading until you discover there’s a book you need to read in that genre but can’t because it hasn’t been written yet. Only once you’ve made that discovery, will you have truly found the seed of something unique.

But that’s just the seed.

To help it grow into a beautiful and unique flower, you’re going to have to plant it in good soil, water it, feed it, and nurture it.

Because a story isn’t just an idea. That’s why you can’t copyright an idea. A story is an idea expressed in a unique way. Only the way the idea is expressed can be copyrighted. 

J.K. Rowling wasn’t the first person to write a kids’ book about a school of wizardry, but she was the first person to create Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley and all the things that make Harry Potter one of the most popular series of all time.

So how do you come up with a unique way of expressing a story idea?

It starts by reading and reading and reading some more. By analyzing those books to figure out what works and what doesn’t and why.  By looking for the things you can say that no one else has said—not because they’re horribly wrong, but because no one with your unique way of looking at the world and expressing what you see has ever tried it before.

That’s how you develop the one thing every editor and every agent says he or she is looking for: a unique voice.

All of this takes time. If you just decided to be a children’s book writer yesterday, trust me, you’re nowhere close. Pick up a bunch of children’s books are start reading.  Analyze what you read. How many pages are there? How many words are on a page? How much of the story is told through the text, and how much through the illustrations? Is there dialogue? Who’s the main character? What age? Is there something on the right-hand page that makes you want to turn the page to find out what happens next? To quote Mem Fox, “Writing a picture book is like writing War and Peace in haiku.” This job is a lot harder than it looks.

Or as Pablo Picasso put it, “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.”

You first need to learn what a voice is before you can develop one that’s unique to you. You need to understand the rules before you can break them, or at least make them your own.

So what exactly is a writer’s voice? More on that in my next blog post. 

Why I'm Quitting the SCBWI (Even Though I Think It's Great)

I'm planning to quit the SCBWI when my annual membership runs out in February.

I've loved the organization. At one time I had over 10,000 posts and comments on the SCBWI boards. I've written for the SCBWI Bulletin, illustrated for it, too. I've won a monthly SCBWI writing competition. I even put together the SCBWI Illustrator's Market Guide under Harold Underdown​, which was difficult but rewarding. I've enjoyed attending SCBWI conferences and workshops, particularly in New Jersey, and I love the critique group I helped assemble through the SCBWI boards. In the past, the SCBWI was great for me.

The SCBWI (Society of Children's Book Writers & Illustrators) holds conferences and workshops throughout the year and around the country, as well as many countries outside the USA.

Over the last couple of years, though, I feel like everything SCBWI related has been moving me backward, instead of forward, and like all of us, I need to keep moving forward.

When the SCBWI boards changed hosts, all my old posts and comments--all the help and encouragement I'd provided to other SCBWI members over the years--pretty much vanished, and I started again from zero.

The new boards weren't easy to use, and fewer people used them, mostly to try to promote their own work. The sense of camaraderie--of fellow writers and illustrators supporting each other on this journey--vanished. I no longer felt like I belonged there.

Then the SCBWI started PAL (Published And Listed) membership, which I applied for. Twice. However, since my traditional credits are for illustrations, articles, stories, and other works in newspapers and magazines, I apparently don't qualify, although no one from the SCBWI thought to inform me of that. I put in my request and received no response at all. It now says that PAL status is only awarded to those who have published books with traditional publishers. Over 12 years of publishing history and all the work I've done for the SCBWI doesn't count for beans.

I've been building sandcastles, and they've been washed away. I've seen this happen to others, too. I've seen a SCBWI RA (Regional Advisor) pretty much work her butt off for the organization, and while I can't speak for her, I do feel she hasn't been rewarded for all that she's done.

All of this makes me sad.

I don't feel that my time has been wasted. I've learned a lot, things I'm putting into practice now as an indie publisher. I've made some great friends. But the truth is I probably should have left the SCBWI a few years ago.

I make it a rule in life to occasionally stop and ask myself, "Why am I doing this? Why did I start this, and am I getting what I thought I would out of this? Is there a better use of my time and energy?" When it comes to the SCBWI right now, the answers are "I don't know why I'm doing this anymore. I started this because I wanted to find an agent and a publisher, but I don't want to do either of those things anymore. My time, energy and other resources would be better spent elsewhere."

I still think the SCBWI is a great organization for anyone new to writing and illustrating for children, or for anyone who has already had a book traditionally published. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), that's not me.

Writers, How Do You Find the Diamond In the Rough Draft?

As I'm working on editing Toren the Teller’s Tale, I’m reminded of an old joke:

How do you become a millionaire?

Step one: get a million dollars. . . .

Becoming a great author is a little like that. Step one: write a great book. But it’s also a little different, because that really is just the first step. After that comes editing, usually lots and lots of editing. 

Some writers hate editing, but I actually love it. I love fixing stuff, and that’s what editing is all about: fixing your current draft to make it so much better. 

A recent Twitter chat for writers asked, “How do you know when your manuscript is ready?” My answer is that it’s never ready, because you never stop growing as a writer. Tomorrow you’ll probably learn something you didn’t know today. But at some point you have to say, “This is the best I can do right now,” and that’s when you send it out into the world. 

You could always hire a good freelance editor or book doctor: someone with a better understanding of what sells and years of experience at a traditional publishing house. But you can’t really learn from your own mistakes if you have someone else fix them for you. And you do want to learn. You want to be able to see the things an editor would fix, so you can fix them yourself or avoid them altogether. Here are some tips to get you started:

12 Tips for Polishing Your Novel

1. Learn to read analytically. Read a lot of books in your chosen genre. Ask yourself what you like and what you don’t like, where your attention is grabbed and where it lags, and what the author is doing to make you feel these things. It’s okay not to like something popular or even a classic. The only thing you need to figure out is why you feel this way. Then you can apply what you’ve learned to your own writing. Because if you don’t like that it took the writer three chapters to get his story started, why would another reader like that in your book? You can also analyze other forms of storytelling, like movies or TV shows. Ask yourself why something was done and how it affects you, the audience. Then ask how you can apply that to your writing. 

2. Read books on writing, style, and self-editing. The two I think every novelist should have are Self-Editing for Fiction Writers, Second Edition: How to Edit Yourself Into Print by Browne and King, and The Elements of Style (4th Edition) by Strunk and White. The Elements of Style is the simplest, cheapest, and shortest book on things like punctuation and syntax; but if you find it too dry, some writers prefer Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation by Truss, which is longer but more entertaining. The Chicago Manual of Style is considered the best style book, but it’s expensive. The Associated Press Stylebook is cheaper and a good alternative. Some rules differ from book to book, so whichever style choice you make, be consistent. I also recommend The Comic Toolbox by Vorhaus and by Maass for tips on how to write a compelling story.

3. Join a critique group. Once you’ve internalized all you’ve learned from analyzing stories and reading books on writing--and you’ve applied that to your work--your manuscript should be ready for a critique group. Of course, that doesn’t mean you are. It can be hard to hear what others think of your precious baby. But you do need to develop an emotional distance from your own writing. Remember that you didn’t write your book for you; you wrote it for your potential readers. A critique group is your chance to see it from a reader’s perspective. Don’t respond to a critique, except to say thank you, and do ask questions in a non-confrontational way if the critique isn’t clear. Never forget that it’s your story, and only you can make changes to it. Use the advice that resonates with you, and forget the rest. Another great thing about joining a critique group is that it lets you hone your analytical skills. I think I’ve learned more in critiquing the works of others than I have in getting my own work critiqued. If you can’t find a spot in a good critique group, you can always create your own. That’s what I did. I advertised online on the SCBWI boards, and my critique group, the Fantasyweavers, was born. Most writers’ conferences also offer professional critiques for a fee. If you’re lucky, it could be the best thing about going to a conference.

4. Aim for clarity above all else. Writing is a form of communication. If you aren’t clear, you haven’t successfully communicated what it is you wanted to say. Rewrite it. Don’t write in an effort to impress the reader with your literary prowess. Keep it clear, simple and focused, and your reader will get what it is you’re trying to say.

5. Establish visuals early on and keep them consistent. As a reader, I hate to have to erase the image I’ve already painted in my mind because the writer failed to tell me something twenty pages earlier. I once read a book where I thought one character was white, only to discover in the next book in the series (yes, an entire book later!) that he was Chinese. This is true for characters and settings. Think of it like a movie, and start with an establishing shot. Let the reader ground himself in your story. It doesn’t have to be detailed, but if you let the reader fill in the blanks early on, don’t fill them in for him later in the story.

6. Make sure you have a beginning, middle, and end. Is there a hook on the first page, something the reader needs to know and won’t find out unless he reads the book? Do you raise the stakes in the proceeding chapters by giving the main character more obstacles to what he or she wants to get, obstacles that are related to whatever the hook or central conflict is, not just random obstacles that have nothing to do with them? Is the resolution of the story’s central conflict satisfying, and does that resolution come from the main character’s own choices and actions?  It doesn’t have to be a happy ending, but it does have to be a resolution that puts an end to whatever the central conflict was. Romeo and Juliet ends with the main characters dead. You can’t have a more final resolution than that.

7. Kill your darlings. Some writers think this means you should kill off your favorite characters, but that’s not it at all. Everything has to be in your story for a reason. It has to move the story forward, set the mood, and/or give readers a deeper understanding of your characters. “Your darlings” refers to stuff you’re proud you wrote because it’s just so well written. If doesn’t have a reason to be in your story beyond being pretty, cut it out. Doesn’t matter if it’s single word, a paragraph, a chapter, or even a character (very often multiple characters carry out duties that could be better carried out by just one), cut it out. And if it really is that great, put it aside. Maybe someday you’ll write a story where it does move the story forward, set the mood, and/or give readers a deeper understanding of your characters. Put these darlings in that story, but not here.

8. Be flexible. A recent article in Popular Science pointed out that, since the Rosetta Stone, writing has become less and less permanent. We’re now writing in virtual clouds, for goodness sakes! It was a lot harder to change your words hundreds of years ago when it had to be written by hand on very expensive paper. Now it couldn’t be easier to do it on your computer. Try to think like an Improv actor. Sure, you wrote your scene this way, but what if you wrote it that way? When I was editing Why My Love Life Sucks: The Legend of Gilbert the Fixer, I often wrote several versions of different scenes so I could choose the best one. I would then move the other version into Word’s comments section, so I never really lost anything. (My daughter likes reading this version of the novel, which she calls the one with the “outtakes.”) Sometimes I’ll use the comments section to write down ideas for changes while I’m still writing the first draft.  It’s better than losing them because I didn’t write them down right away.  Give it a try. It could make your story a lot better, and you have nothing to lose, so why not?
 

 A “Scenes From a Hat” game from the Improv show Whose Line Is It, Anyway?

9. Make everything in your story matter. This isn’t the same as killing your darlings, although it might seem like it. This is about adding depth and meaning to the things that are moving your story forward, setting the scene, or revealing your characters. So how do you do this? I’ve found the best way is by making everything matter to your main character. If it matters to him or her, it will matter to the reader. There’s a huge difference between just any old rag doll and a rag doll your fifteen-year-old main character hugs when she’s lonely because it’s the best friend she’s ever had.

10. Show, don’t tell . . . except when it’s better to tell. Many beginning writers go a little overboard on the whole “show don’t tell” thing. There are times to tell and times to show. The important thing is to know when to do which. If your character is having an important discussion with another character, that’s a good time to show. If your character then goes home, eats dinner, goes to bed, wakes up when the alarm clock rings, eats breakfast, and does a lot of stuff that really doesn’t matter, that’s a good time to tell. “. . . she said, and then she turned around and walked away. The next day . . .” Bam, right into the next thing that matters. That’s the way to do it.

11. Follow all the rules? Um, no. This is related to show don’t tell, but it’s not just that. I think writers have to know the “rules,” because only in knowing the rules can you break them with good reason. One of the “rules” that drives me nuts is the one regarding incomplete sentences. Incomplete sentences can be very powerful in the right situations. The same goes for starting a sentence with a conjunction. There’s a difference between “Ashley looked up at the towering Ferris wheel” and “The Ferris wheel towered over Ashley. She looked up. And up. And up.” The latter gives you a better sense of how overwhelmed Ashley feels by how tall the Ferris wheel is.

12. Once you’re done, put it in a drawer for a month. Then go over the whole thing again, hopefully with more distance and a better, more objective perspective. Read it out loud. (After all, if it ever becomes an audio book, someone will have to read it out loud.) If you have text-to-speech software you can use, or you can transfer your book to your Kindle and listen to it, you should. Sometimes you’ll be able to hear things your eyes might miss, like a repeated word or sentence, or a typo. Printing your story on paper can also give you a different perspective. Again, if there are changes you’re not sure of, use the comments section in Word to jot them down. Try it both ways, and pick the one you like best.

This is certainly not a complete list of tips, but hopefully it’s enough to get you started. I know many authors do things quite differently. How about you? Do you have any editing tips you’d like to share? If so, I hope you’ll leave them in the comments section below. I’d love to hear them.

SCBWI NJ Conference 2011

I've attended several SCBWI NJ Mentoring Workshops, and I feel I've got a lot out of them. This was my first SCBWI NJ Conference, and although I'd heard only wonderful things about it, I did go with some apprehensions. Would I feel overwhelmed by the crowd? How would I work out attending a conference over Shabbat? Would it be worth the cost? 

I talked it over with my husband. We could go as a family and spend Shabbat together. A little bit of duct tape over the locks meant we wouldn't have to use the key cards to get into our room, and we could lock all valuables securely in our car. We could bring our own food--that would have been necessary even if I didn't keep kosher because of my anti-yeast diet--and I didn't have to write anything during Shabbat. It was doable, and we agreed it was a good idea. After talking with Kathy Temean, the SCBWI NJ RA, I felt excited about it. We even discussed the possibility that I might give a workshop next year, although it was too late for me to do that this year.

FRIDAY

ARRIVAL

I arrived at the hotel on Friday at noon. Too early to check in, I went straight to the conference center, schlepping my many bags with me. I wanted to hand my portfolio in early, because I couldn’t sign it in on Saturday (for religious reasons), but I couldn’t find the person I was supposed to give it to. (I didn’t bother to bring anything for the juried art show, because I didn’t have the proper equipment.) So I picked up my name tag and information packet, chatted with a few old friends, like Kathy and Laurie, met sweet and helpful Ame--with her happy high voice, her spiky red hair, and her little red bow--and went to my Friday intensive. 

I’d had a hard time choosing an intensive, because they all sounded too basic for me. I somehow ended up with “The Craft and Art of Writing” with Stephan Barbara. Too late, I noticed there was one on self-editing. I probably should  have gone with that one. 

THE CRAFT AND ART OF WRITING

Stephan is a young, amiable, good-looking agent with a Lit degree, who used to work as a book reviewer for the Wall Street Journal. Reviewing books turned out not to be a good job if you were hoping that people would write to tell you how helpful they found your reviews (also not the best if you want to get paid, or at least that’s been my experience). The only time people wrote to him was after he reviewed a book that painted the Boy Scouts in a less than favorable light, and then it was all hate mail. 

I didn’t even know the Wall Street Journal reviewed books, but in the week after the conference, a WSJ article on the darkness in YA drew a lot of criticism from YA writers who felt their work was being attacked. Frankly, I think this drew an unnecessary amount of attention to an article that otherwise would have only been read by a handful of people. Hate mail lends more weight to such articles than no attention whatsoever. This isn’t the famous New York Times book review section, after all. 

He asked us what the necessary parts of a story were, and he wrote the answers down on a large sheet of paper. Character. Conflict. One of the things he wrote down was an “antagonist.” I said it didn’t belong there. He said, “Name a story that doesn’t have an antagonist.” I said, “When Harry Met Sally.” Silence. (I could have added “Almost every episode of Friends.”) Someone else said that an antagonist didn’t have to be a person. Really? Let me look that up in the dictionary… From Dictionary.com: ”antagonist: noun 1. A person who is opposed to, struggles against, or competes with another; opponent; adversary. 2. The adversary of the hero or protagonist of a drama or other literary work: Iago is the antagonist of Othello.”  Sounds like an antagonist has to be a person to me, but I could be wrong. 

He wrote down the parts, and then told us to write the start of a story. I did. Then I waited. And waited. And waited. So he suggested I write the starts of three stories, so I did. And I waited. And waited. And waited. It turns out everyone else was writing the outline for half a story, not the start of a story. We went around the room and read what we had written. Lisa had written a great outline for the start of a story, so we picked hers to work on as a class. We then discussed what would be the best opening scene and the best POV (Point Of View), and we wrote opening scenes. We then discussed what scene would make an interesting confrontation between two characters in the story, and we wrote those. After each writing period, we read what we had written out loud. Mine elicited a laugh at the right spot, so I guess it worked. 

The intensive lasted four hours, and I can’t say I really learned anything from it, except that if you write book reviews for the Wall Street Journal and you want people to actually read them, review a book that paints the Boy Scouts in a negative light. As for the less experienced writers in the class, I think the main thing they might have taken away is “Authority: set the stage on page one with confidence.” That’s something I do see as a distinction between some newbie writers and those who have been at it for a long time. Sometimes newbie writers can be too timid, not willing to let the story be all that it can be. You have to believe in yourself and in your story if you want your reader to, but it can take time to gain that confidence. 

AGENT CRITIQUE 

My agent critique came next. I’ve talked with this agent before, and I think if I do get to the point where I need an agent, there’s a good chance I’ll choose him. I like his attitude, and I like his questions. They let me see things in my manuscript I maybe haven’t considered before. He doesn’t micromanage, which is good, because I really don’t need hand holding, just career guidance and help making the right connections and getting the best deal. 

We talked about my plans regarding e-publishing (he said I seem to know what I’m doing) and about Why My Love Life Sucks. He loved Gilbert’s voice and the humor, loved the dialogue. I said that’s because I’ll often write the same scene three times, so I can get it just right. He put on a shocked face and said, “You mean you don’t get it right the FIRST time?” I laughed and said, “In Improv they like to say you shouldn’t worry that it’s going to suck--because it’s DEFINITELY going to suck.” He said, “I have a client I’d like you to talk to.” Then it was my turn to laugh. 

THE WYNDHAM HOTEL 

I found someone who would take my portfolio for me, which lightened my load a little. Then schlepping what was left of my bags, I returned to the lobby and checked in. I got my room key, and then spent the next half hour getting extremely lost in the hotel. It’s not a huge hotel, but it’s very easy to find yourself going back and forth between floors, or maybe I should say half floors. The same floor can actually exist on two levels, and it turned out my second floor room was half a floor below the second floor where the conference was taking place. Eventually I returned to the desk, asked for directions again, and got the right room. 

It was very nice, and the beds were extremely comfortable, possibly the most comfortable of any hotel beds I’ve ever slept in. The view was okay, although it mostly consisted of the branches of one tree that extended all the way to our window. Even in the middle of the day, there wasn’t much danger of bright sunlight getting into the room. (A little bit of sunshine would have been nice.) My husband and kids soon arrived with our luggage and flowers for me. It was our anniversary. That was so sweet for him to bring me flowers. 

I enjoyed a quiet Friday night with my family. We ate dinner in our room. It was nice. I didn’t go to the Friday night Mix and Mingle because the charge was mostly for the food, and I couldn’t eat any of it. It was right outside our hotel room door, though, so I couldn’t help but walk through it. I guess it would be great if you’re a social butterfly, but parties aren’t my thing. 

SATURDAY 

BREAKFAST 

Saturday started with breakfast, but again I couldn’t eat anything, so I asked my husband to check it out to see if there was anything he could eat. He got one bottle of orange juice, and found my portfolio had been laid out. He returned to the room, grabbed a bunch of the little wind-up robots I’d brought for promotional purposes, and put them next to my portfolio. We kept adding robots as they disappeared, so I’m glad I managed to give most of them away. (They have the URL to my website on them.) 

GRACE LIN’S KEYNOTE SPEECH 

After eating breakfast in my room, I went to the amphitheater to hear Grace Lin’s keynote. It was funny, heartfelt and sweet. Grace Lin talked about her childhood, how she grew up in a little town where her family was the only Chinese one. She thought of herself as American as anyone else, until someone read Five Chinese Brothers, and another kid turned to her and said, “Chinese just like you!” She grew up wanting to illustrate classic fairy tales, and she was well on the way. But then during a scholarship that took her to Italy, she realized she wanted to learn more about Chinese art. She discovered the bright colors of Chinese folk art, and she embraced it. After publishing one Chinese-American picture book, she had to decide whether she wanted to be labeled a multicultural writer, and she decided to embrace it. And in the end she discovered that by writing books for kids who were “Chinese just like me,” she ended up being a truly multicultural writer, one who is embraced by all children from all cultures. 

AGENT PANEL 

The Agent Panel mostly centered on ebooks, because that is, after all, the hot topic everyone wants to know about. I asked two questions. First, if one of your clients came to you wanting to self-publish an ebook, would you support that client? Second, with Nook books and ebooks for the iPad offering so many bells and whistles, how are paper books going to compete? The agent from Andrea Brown Literary said they’ve just published an ebook with one of their writers, and they’re looking to see how that goes. As for interactive picture books, most felt hardcover picture books still had a lot to offer, and that ebooks didn’t provide enough added value to make them replace hardcover picture books altogether. 

The Agent Panel was very interesting, which is why I regretted having to leave in the middle for my author critique. 

AUTHOR CRITIQUE 

I learned a lot from my author critique, namely how NOT to run an author critique. People pay extra to get these critiques. They don’t pay for condescension or attitude. At one point the author assumed I was offended by something she’d said. I replied, “No, I get it. It’s not personal. It’s business.” Her reply was, “Oh, it’s ALWAYS personal.” What the heck does that mean? 

I only paid for an author critique because it was the only way to get an additional editor or agent critique. I had three critique sessions, one pitch session, and one consultation at this conference, and the only one who seemed to go out of her way to be mean was this writer, who is actually less experienced and less qualified than any of the other critiquers I had. Heck, she’s less experienced than I am! She said it was a good “rough draft” (I have edited it many, many times). And after telling me all the things she felt needed to be changed, she wrote, “While it may seem overkill, I have the satisfaction of hearing agents & eds tell me that my mss are polished. That’s a level you want to achieve to capture your publishing dream.” It’s a wonder she can get her shirt on with a head that big. 

I have one word for a writer who thinks that much of herself and that little of everyone else, but it’s not a very nice word, so I won’t use it. Still, if I’m ever in a position to give author critiques at a conference, I will definitely go out of my way to be nice. It doesn’t cost anything, and it’s only fair to the person who has paid for the critique. A little respect goes a long way, and you get back what you give. 

FIRST PAGES SESSION 

After this, I had my first pages session, which didn’t go well. The reader had a monotone voice, and the editor and agent missed the humor in my manuscript. They also ripped apart someone else’s first page, even though it was hilarious. I told the author after the session that I loved her work. I hope that story gets published. It sounds fun, funny and cool. 

MINDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS 

I went to my room to join my family for lunch, and returned for one of the best workshops: “Minding Your Own Business” with Sudipta Bardhan-Quallen. Sudipta has published many picture books, but she makes only about a third of her money from advances and royalties. The other two-thirds mostly come from school visits, work-for-hire, and professional development (like speaking at teachers conferences). She talked about how to get these jobs and what to do when you give an author visit so it’s all about giving your listeners something, not talking about your books. If you write picture books or Middle Grade novels, I’d say this workshop is a must. 

 QUERY LETTERS 

The next workshop I had was Query Letters with agent Mary Kole, but unfortunately my Agent Pitch session pulled me out for the first 10 minutes, and my editor critique pulled me out for the last 20 minutes, which means I only sat in the class for 15 minutes. I’m sure it was great, but I didn’t really get to hear any of it. There might have been a handout, but I didn’t even get to find out about it. 

AGENT PITCH SESSION 

I was very nervous about my Agent Pitch, but it still went surprisingly well. She laughed at the right place, and pointed out two things I needed to fix (I didn’t know a pitch needed the word count, but I did know it needed the main character’s age, and I can’t believe I left that out). She also said she’d like me to submit Why My Love Life Sucks to her. Yes! 

EDITOR’S CRITIQUE 

The critique with the editor went very well too. Among the things she wrote: “This is really hilarious! Great writing and great work! You’ve done a great job at character development with Gilbert! He feels real and totally believable. I love his mom as well. Great, authentic teen language—great work! The voice in this piece is one of your biggest assets. It’s fresh and believable. I think this has a lot of [marketing] potential. I love that it’s a funny twist on the vampire story! I think you’re ready to look for representation.” She gave me some line edits to work on, and she asked to see the entire manuscript! Yahoo! 

RELAXING AT THE POOL 

I then had a break for an hour and 20 minutes, so I used them to go swimming in the hotel’s pool. I know these conferences tend to revolve around food and eating, but what I wouldn’t give to go to a writing conference that revolved around swimming, going for walks, playing games, and just having fun instead. The swim was great. It helped me unwind, and I really needed it. I can’t be the only one who would have enjoyed a swim. 

YA’S LITTLE SISTER: UPPER MIDDLE GRADE 

My next workshop was YA’s Little Sister: Upper Middle Grade, with Olugbemisola Rhuday-Perkovich and Audrey Vernick. It was a lot of fun, and not just because when we heard another workshop cheering, we opened the door to our room, clapped, and let out the loudest cheer we could. (That’s right, we messed with their minds, and it was hilarious.) There was a helpful handout, so we didn’t need to take notes, and we could just relax and chat. We talked about what distinguishes upper Middle Grade from YA and regular Middle Grade. Novels for younger readers usually have neat endings, but kids in seventh and eighth grades are in transition, and the endings of novels for them reflect that. Upper Middle Grade can deal with more serious issues, just not sex, and it’s best to avoid any PG language so that Scholastic doesn’t ask for edits if your book is selected as a book-club option. If you’ve written a clean YA, you might want to consider making your main character 13 or younger. Editors are looking for upper Middle Grades, written by writers who know how to capture a 6^th-8^th grade kid’s voice. We  chatted. We laughed. We had a great time. And it was nice meeting Olugbemisola, who until then I’d only met online. She had the cutest yellow smiley ring.  

SHUFFLEBOARD, SORT OF 

I had dinner with my family, and at some point I played shuffleboard with a writer named Sonia. Okay, technically it wasn’t shuffleboard, because neither of us knew how to play, so we just made up a game as we went along. The shuffleboard table was in the same place the Mix and Mingle had been on Friday night, and so were a couple of pool tables, a foosball table, and a ping pong table. We had no idea what we were doing, but we laughed a lot and had a ball. The other people at the conference had no idea what they were missing. 

MARKETING CONSULTATION 

I then had a consultation with Harold Underdown. It was great to finally meet him. I’ve chatted with Harold many times online, and I worked with him on the SCBWI Illustrator’s Market Guide a few years ago. Harold critiqued Why My Love Life Sucks, and he had a few ideas about submitting it, namely that I haven’t done that enough. It’s true. I have a fear of submitting my work. It’s so bad that there have been times I felt unable to breathe. I get palpitations. But if I do want to traditionally publish, I need to just do it. Thing is, I haven’t quite made up my mind yet. Indie publishing ebooks is looking better all the time. 

THE ART SHOW ON THE BRIDGE 

My family had another quiet night. We considering going out for a walk around the hotel, but it was dark, and I have poor night vision. The hotel is located in a lovely wooded area with a lake and a waterfall. There’s a map to tell you were to go if you’d like to jog around the lake. There’s a bridge that connects the hotel to the conference center, and it passes over the water. This is where they set up the artwork for the juried art show, and the pieces illustrators had brought in were wonderful. I particularly liked Penny Weber’s giraffe, with the two boys painting spots on it. The framing and flow of the piece were perfect. I also loved Doris Ettlinger’s piece—how you could feel the heat coming off the sun in the painting—and Leeza Hernandez’s funny “Bad Hair Day,” with an angry girl pulling her huge mass of hair along in a little red wagon. The bridge was the perfect place to exhibit the work. The views from that bridge are gorgeous, particularly when there’s a rowboat or two on the lake. My husband enjoyed taking our son out for a walk during the day when I was busy at the conference, and I wish I could have joined them. 

SUNDAY 

Another breakfast with my family on Sunday morning, and then it was off to David Caruba’s agents and editors survey.  

DAVID CARUBA’S AGENTS AND EDITORS SURVEY 

This was definitely the most informative speech that was given in the amphitheater. David Caruba surveyed close to 30 agents and editors, including a few that weren't at the conference. Although the agents and editors reported that 60% of their sales are in YA, and only 40% of their sales are in Middle Grade, they are acquiring almost 80% Middle Grade, and only 20% YA. Agents and editors are predicting that Middle Grade will be a hot age group in a couple of years, and while they are inundated with YA manuscripts, they don't get nearly enough Middle Grade novels.

The good news about the picture books is that they're holding ground, and agents are still acquiring them (although less than 5% of what their acquiring is from picture books). While it wasn't so long ago that the preferred length of picture books had dropped down to 1000 words and then down to 500 words, the preferred length now is under 300 words. Picture books also have to be character driven, because publishers want to know that they will be able to market a series with the character.

Middle Grade does more school and library business than YA, but YA sells better. They are actively looking for Middle Grade --- but not actively buying it! Magical realism in Middle Grade is HOT. They don't want "quiet." Quiet means literary, and when an editor says your manuscript quiet, what she means is "It's great, but it's literary, and I can't sell literary." What they can sell our books like the Percy Jackson and the Wimpy Kid series. Genre fiction sells, and that's what they want.

YA is in transition. "It's the machine and then knows no end. It is the Energizer Bunny." But there is too much of it out there. The competition is tough. And publishers want to see a big success right away. In this market you're better off if you haven't published before, because previous weak or middling sales can really hurt your chances. It's harder than ever to get published without an agent --- but getting known on the Net (and at networking opportunities like this conference) can help you get an agent.

FANTASY is HOT. How hot? 85%. That's pretty hot. But there's too much dystopian. "If you call it dystopian, editors won't take it."

In regard to vampire novels, ironic vampire novels are HOT -- YES! (I half suspect that the agents and editors I talked to at the conference skewed the results here, and if so I thank them!) Fat Vampire and Jane Jones: Worst Vampire Ever are two examples of ironic vampire novels.

The fact that Borders is closing is weighing heavily on their minds. They're hoping the money will transition into e-books sales. David said he believes that bookstores will it evolve to become more about coffee and board games and less about books, but he does think they will continue to exist.

Agents say that editors are offering lower advances.

Science fiction is the next big thing, but that six months from now, and agents and editors need to look two years into the future.

Humor in Middle Grade is good. E-books for YA are good. One major agent said, "People want series, not one-offs. I think it's a drag."

Only genre books are selling. That's all the agents and editors want right now. They're looking for all kinds of genres. While fantasy and science fiction are the hottest, they're also looking for good thrillers and the like. Both agents and editors lament that publishers want a hit out of the gate, and they don't want to build an author anymore. The biggest question right now is Amazon, particularly now that they’ll be publishing. Everyone wants to know what Amazon is going to do next.

So in short: YA is strong, Middle Grade is doing well, Picture Books are holding their own, Amazon is up, Borders is down, and the field is healthy. 

OVERVIEW OF BOOK CONTRACTS 

My first workshop on Sunday morning was Overview of Book Contracts with Edward Necarsulmer, and it was great, because it allowed us to ask him questions about what an agent does. We learned a lot about foreign rights, movie and TV rights, and more. We learned about the parts of the contract that can be negotiated and the parts that can’t. Very informative. 

BANGING YOUR HEAD—15 THINGS I LEARNED THE HARD WAY 

The workshop after that was Banging Your Head—15 Things I Learned the Hard Way. Some of the things she learned the hard way I’m rather surprised anyone didn’t find obvious, but what was worse, I felt there were also a few pieces of misinformation. There was a handout, so I can give specific examples. Number one: “No cutesy pictures.” (Apparently, it didn’t occur to her that there might be a few illustrators at a writers AND illustrators conference.) Number five: “Also, substitute other words in place of said; [the semi-colons are hers, not mine] yell, cried, whispered, and the like because they are more descriptive…. Careful about adverbs, though, they are currently out of favor, but sometimes one is necessary; cried softly or cried loudly.” The problem with this is that you shouldn’t use an adjective when you can simply use a more specific verb. You shouldn’t write “cried softly” when you can write “whimpered.” You shouldn’t write “cried loudly” when you can write “wailed.” And very often writers—in trying to substitute words instead of “said”—use words that aren’t verbs of speech, which can produce some silly results. For example, “she breathed” or “she laughed.” You can’t breathe or laugh words. 

I could add a 16^th item to her list of things I learned the hard way, namely do not sign up for workshops with names like “Banging Your Head.” 

CO-AUTHORING A BOOK 

Next came Co-Authoring a Book with Natalie Zaman and Charlotte Bennardo. I met Nat at a Mentoring Workshop in the fall, and it was nice to see her again. I’ve been thinking about contacting someone who writes thrillers so we could work on an idea I have for one, and I was hoping to get some information I might be able to apply. I didn’t. Instead we heard how these two writers met and ended up writing Sirenz together. Before they started writing, they decided that they would drop the manuscript if it ended up coming between them. They each wrote one of the two first-person characters. When one was finished writing a chapter in her character’s voice, she passed the manuscript to the other to write the next chapter in the other character’s voice. Charlotte likes to write the first draft, while Natalie likes to edit, so their talents complemented each other. It worked, and the book is coming out now. 

LUNCH 

At lunch I sat next to a children’s songwriter from a town outside of Philadelphia, although I ate my own sandwich (cold cuts in a brown-rice tortilla). Rob teaches kindergarten, and we talked about ebooks. He’s working with an app developer, and we both agreed that ebooks are the way of the future and the future is coming much sooner than the agents at the conference seemed to imply. Someone at the table suggested we each talk about our work and swap business cards. I got into an argument with someone about The Sun Also Rises. It was one of his favorites, but I hate it, because it ends exactly the way it starts. What’s the point of reading a book if it doesn’t go anywhere? Seriously, would anyone publish that today? And if they did, would anyone want to read it? Yes, it’s very well written. In a way, that makes the utter lack of change in the story all the more frustrating. 

HOLLY McGHEE’S KEYNOTE SPEECH 

Lunch was followed by agent Holly McGhee’s keynote speech, which I mostly missed because I thought I’d lost my Flip video camera, and I was in a panic.  All I remember is that it involved a writer who got cancer, and I think he got better. 

RAFFLE 

I ran around the hotel looking for the camera, but couldn’t find it. (It later turned up in a compartment in one of my bags, thank goodness!) Then came the raffle, and I was glad when Laurie won the prize I had donated: a custom-designed book trailer, blog, or cover with stock artwork. I won a basket of paper products donated by Connie, which was nice. What writer doesn’t always need more paper? She said it should be lucky paper, and everything I submit on it should be bought. That was very sweet. 

AND THAT’S IT, UNTIL NEXT YEAR 

I picked up my portfolio and my big basket of paper, said goodbye to everyone, and headed off to the pool. My husband had already taken the kids home, and we’d arranged to meet at the pool. He made it just in time to get one more swim in, and then we went home. 

We had a good time, and I’m looking forward to doing it again, although next year I think I’d prefer to give a workshop. It will probably be about the House of Funny method for creating humor, which can be adapted to create an infinite number of story plots too. 

Until then, I need to get started on my vlog on that topic. Should be fun!